No Teams Will Make the Playoffs: A Pessimist's View

Detroit Lions: Is anyone on the team NOT stoned? Or concussed? Or both? Luckily, Jim Schartz is preparing for the 49ers rematch

Hey now! Nick Marley, Mikel LeSmoke and Johnny Ganjabreath would like a word with you after Fourthmeal. Don't worry, Joe Cullen is driving. Not to be alarmed. He's always sober. And fully clothed. Promise.

You're right. The Schwartz has been in training for HandshakeGate II. My son outgrew these a few years ago so I gladly donated them to the coach's cause:



Word on the street has him graduating from Thing Hands to Hulk Hands. Beware, Jim Harbaugh. You wouldn't like The Schwartz when he's angry.

At least you don't have to face off against Jahvid Bust. He left the party when he suffered an evening-ending popcorn kernel in between two teeth. You're lucky, too. That's one rough dude.

For giggles, check out Rivers' and Brees' stats with Cameron and post Cameron.

True, but Cleo Lemon has his 'best' year under Cam in Miami..

Originally Posted by GoBigOrGoHome

At least you don't have to face off against Jahvid Bust. He left the party when he suffered an evening-ending popcorn kernel in between two teeth. You're lucky, too. That's one rough dude.

I keep telling you, they should have melded Kevid Bith together two years ago.

Weeden-Mania is coming.

Since these teams won't be in the playoffs, you could be one of the first to board the big brown bus to the bowl!

True, but Cleo Lemon has his 'best' year under Cam in Miami..

I loved him in the Globetrotters...

NY Giants: 9-7, wouldn't even get a wild card most years. The defense allowed the most points of any SB contestant in the history of ever. Tom Coughlin will be on the hot seat by week 4 as they cruise to another 9-7 season.

Why the one non-satirical post?

Originally Posted by bluestree

Why the one non-satirical post?

:-) ftw

Wait! Clem works here now, too? National employment is down, but it's popping at FP(L).

Yes, we love our Farrah and porn star. You're just jealous you don't get that channel.


Awesome work Clemster - but you'll always be MuscleMan to me! Don't let mgmt. force you to work under an assumed name just because Greenland is still underrepresented here.

Originally Posted by Pruitt

Weeden-Mania is coming.

Since these teams won't be in the playoffs, you could be one of the first to board the big brown bus to the bowl!

We want WEED! We want WEED!

Originally Posted by Curtis

We want WEED! We want WEED!

We're back talking Lions?

Originally Posted by iwatt

We're back talking Lions?

HAHAHA!! Good one.

Thanks clem. Clearly, if none of these teams can make the playoffs, I can only assume that this means the Chicago Bears are winning the Super Bowl. Cancel the season people, let's just start the parade right now.

Originally Posted by Rich Gapinski

I keep telling you, they should have melded Kevid Bith together two years ago.

One more injury to #25 and it will have to be Mikelvid BithShoure.

Originally Posted by brauneyz

Wait! Clem works here now, too? National employment is down, but it's popping at FP(L).

I worked here last year! Obviously you never read my Top 10 articles - hrmph!

Originally Posted by msclemons

I worked here last year! Obviously you never read my Top 10 articles - hrmph!

I most certainly did to! It's just with all these new-fangled upgrades and Sybil wannabees cluttering up the joint I've lost track of to whom exactly I'm supposed to email my quarters. Or do I pay you in virtual dinners? I'm so confused.

Originally Posted by brauneyz

I'm so confused.

But confused works for you.

LOL! Nice last line for the Patriots. As for my Saints, I think they will get away with a winning record and no worse than 7-9. I don't sense the bottom will fall out on them even though that's what it looks like. That coaching team better be ready. Numerous obstacles to get over.

The French and Indians were fighting when I was in the league and nobody told me.....I have to quit reading football pros.