• A Day at the Jets Circus



    With so much media coverage following the New York Jets, the powers that be here at FP decided to send me on a no expenses paid trip to the Jets practice facility to see everything first hand. I was able to watch one padded practice and was around for interviews. Here is what transpired:

    PRE-PRACTICE INTERVIEWS:

    -Perennial All-Pro cornerback Darrelle Revis expessed concern over his contract and declared himself to be a hold-out.

    -Upon hearing the news, coach Rex Ryan locked himself inside a film room. He was seen carrying a gallon of double chocolate ice cream and a documentary on Sasquatch on the way in.

    -It is reported that Tim Tebow had a solid morning bowel movement.

    -Santonio Holmes declared Tebow to be his favorite player from the state of Florida of all-time. He clarified the comment after and said, “Other than myself.”

    PRACTICE:

    9:00am- The players entered the field. Darrelle Revis was seen running onto the field and was stopped by a New York Daily News scribe. Revis stated, “I am fully happy where I am and look forward to contributing to a season that ends with us in the semi-finals of the BCS. My hold out is over and I am ready to focus on the season.”

    9:04am- Mark Sanchez completes his first pass of the practice... to himself. A classic bounce off the defender into his own hands. Mike Lupica began writing an article about how selfish Sanchez is.

    9:08am- Tim Tebow completes his first pass of the practice... to Darrelle Revis. Mike Lupica began writing an article about how much a selfless leader like Tebow has such an intangible effect on the locker room.

    9:15am- Rex Ryan arrives at practice with a pillow strapped around his waist. Despite losing 100 pounds over the past 18 months, Ryan is overheard stating that he wanted to “feel like his old self.”

    9:22am- Mark Sanchez finishes 4-11 in team drills with one complete pass to himself. Sanchez is reported to be ready for the season and is confident that the stellar results will continue.

    9:31am- Nick Mangold excuses himself from practice to watch his sister compete in the Olympics.

    9:42am- Rex Ryan announces that Santonio Holmes is the new Offensive Coordinator. Ryan declares that “this is why we brought [Holmes] in here.” He is the first player-coach in the NFL in over 50 years. Tony Sparano looks confused, throws a lawn chair and then leaves.

    9:57am- With his favorite quarterback at the helm for that portion of the practice, Holmes calls 23 pass plays in a row with him as the primary target. Tebow completes two passes out of 23 with 7 overthrows, 6 underthrows, five option pitches to Darrelle Revis, one Porto-O-John tipped and two jump passes to the defensive end.

    9:58am- Santonio Holmes is fired as Offensive Coordinator. Citing his value to the team during the 11 on 11 drills, Revis announces that he is holding out.

    10:00am- Holmes delcares that Mark Sanchez is his favorite quarterback of all-time. He also stated that the OC Holmes had something against WR Holmes, which led to his terrible receiving stats on the day.

    10:03am- A drizzle begins to fall. Tim Tebow takes off his pads and plays the rest of practice shirtless. Brian Costello of the New York Post starts writing a column about Tebow’s toughness.

    10:06am- Rex Ryan begs Tebow to put his shirt back on by threatening to remove his. The threat does not work. I’m glad I did not bring my camera.

    10:15am- During punting drills, a shirtless Tim Tebow is bulldozed by a fully-padded linebacker as punter T.J. Conley suffers a season-ending double fracture to his leg.

    10:17am- During punting drills, a shirtless Tim Tebow is bulldozed by a fully-padded linebacker as back-up punter Travis Baltz suffers a season-ending tear of every major ligament in his knee.

    10:19am- A shirtless Tim Tebow is the new punter for the New York Jets. He averages 52 yards per kick for the remainder of practice. Lupica’s article finishes with the story about how Tebow tried to teach toughness to the team’s punters, but they just could not handle the challenge. A team must be like the quarterback/flexback/punt protector/punter from every position of the team from top to bottom.

    10:25am- Darrelle Revis ends his hold out.

    10:30am- Practice ends. Rex Ryan is still not wearing a shirt. Osi Umenyiora gives Tebow a hug.

    In summation, it seemed like a pretty good day for the Jets. Mark Sanchez was consistent. The possible quarterback controversy ironed itself out. The team may need a new OC, but the overall sense in camp is the team would definitely make it to the BCS semi-finals if such a thing existed this season.

    Comments 12 Comments
    1. Andy Freeland's Avatar
      So, business as usual.
    1. Pruitt's Avatar
      Looking forward to many more updates from Jets camp!
    1. wxwax's Avatar
      Nice job, Rich!
    1. brauneyz's Avatar
      The handsome, rich Polish dude delivers another winner. I just wonder if I'll be able to see the fireworks directly here on the Left Coast.
    1. Rich Gapinski's Avatar
      Quote Originally Posted by Andy Freeland View Post
      So, business as usual.
      That, and Antonio Cromartie missed practice because he had to be a 5 kid's soccer games in three cities today. He has to be regretting some of his dicesions now. Have you ever seen kid's soccer?
    1. BuckeyeRidley's Avatar
      The Jets have their life turnt up more with the TebowTime staying around then. They love this stuff evidently but I'm really interested how the season plays out with Tebow's schemes and Sanchez' pressure handling. We can get through camp with all the niceness in the world but the regular season is the true test.
    1. Rich Gapinski's Avatar
      So, this article was supposed to be a satire.

      Since I wrote this: There has been continuous Tebow coverage on ESPN and the NY papers, the President of the US said that the Jets fans should be concerned about the two quarterback idea, Tebow is rumored to be a red zone package man while Sanchez is the man between the 20s (something I thought was a good idea), The #2 corner said he is at least the #2 receiver on the team, Rex had to promise that the locker room is still intact and Santonio Holmes has missed practices due to undisclosed reasons.

      I did not make any of that up.
    1. ScottDCP's Avatar
      Quote Originally Posted by Rich Gapinski View Post
      So, this article was supposed to be a satire.

      Since I wrote this: There has been continuous Tebow coverage on ESPN and the NY papers, the President of the US said that the Jets fans should be concerned about the two quarterback idea, Tebow is rumored to be a red zone package man while Sanchez is the man between the 20s (something I thought was a good idea), The #2 corner said he is at least the #2 receiver on the team, Rex had to promise that the locker room is still intact and Santonio Holmes has missed practices due to undisclosed reasons.

      I did not make any of that up.
      I never knew I could be so happy.
    1. BobbyJ's Avatar
      Well done Rich! The visuals of Rex Ryan that was created by this article is priceless!
    1. mkocs6's Avatar
      Hey, a new Browns fan! Welcome to the site, BobbyJ!
    1. Bengals1181's Avatar
      lol read a funny joke by a Bengals fan that the Bengals should let Tebow play well tomorrow just to help cause dissension in New York.
    1. Bengals1181's Avatar
      Quote Originally Posted by BobbyJ View Post
      Well done Rich! The visuals of Rex Ryan that was created by this article is priceless!
      Welcome!