Council of the Learned 2012: Week Eight NFL Picks

Eighth Week

(Byes: Baltimore, Buffalo, Cincinnati, Houston)

Thursday, Oct. 25

Tampa Bay at Minnesota, 8:20 p.m- So, I have a new solution for defending Hail Marys. We’ve seen balls batted into waiting arms of receivers and we’ve seen guys make interceptions that were really touchdowns. Many quarterbacks leave the pocket when they throw them. Why not teach defensive backs to just push all the receivers out of bounds? The timing portion would be the toughest part, but what if a defense could make all receivers ineligible? PICK: (MIN 9-0)

Sunday, Oct. 28

Carolina at Chicago, 1 p.m- I know the Panthers refuse to run the ball anymore. I know the Bears will run enough zone coverage to take away passing windows. But the Gapinski Curse may stink this one up since I will be there. Plus, I’ve never forgotten the “Tillman Falls Down” playoff game. PICK: (CHI 9-0)

San Diego at Cleveland, 1 p.m- This game could make the heads of all sane fans watching explode from coaching ineptitude. The Colts were missing key players on the defensive line and have a bad run defense. Did Shurmur go for it on a 4th and 1? Of course not. The other sideline will house Norv. Good thing Browns management passes out a drug cocktail at the gate so fans can make it through the game without rioting. PICK: (SD 6-3)

Seattle at Detroit, 1 p.m- Matt Stafford looked most effective this season against the Titans. Tennessee is allowing the highest QB rating in the league. The Seahawks pass defense is not the remedy for the suddenly inconsistent former Georgia Bulldog. PICK: (SEA 6-3)

Jacksonville at Green Bay, 1 p.m- In yet another effort to endear the team with the city of Green Bay, the Packers are inviting all young kids with sleep issues to the game. The kids will get a solid three hours of sleep at Lambeau this weekend. Also, as a follow-up to last week’s column, no one was able to find a Jags fan in Oakland. PICK: (GB 9-0)

Miami at N.Y. Jets, 1 p.m- As of this writing, the Miami Dolphins would be the #6 seed in the playoffs and would face the Pats in New England. It’s okay to continue to stare at this sentence. It’s also okay to take a shot of whiskey and pretend you never read it. PICK: (NYJ 5-4)

Atlanta at Philadelphia, 1 p.m- Mike Vick faces his former team at home. As part of his rehabilitation, he has promised to give back to those he has wronged in the past. He plans to give the Falcons at least three total turnovers. Although, Andy Reid is 13-0 after the bye week in his career. Pop the cork, Mercury Morris.PICK: (PHI 6-3)

Washington at Pittsburgh, 1 p.m- This would be a good game for RGIII to be a bit careful when running out of the pocket. The Steelers hit harder than drinking Edward Fortyhands in less than 20 minutes. The Redskins haven’t beaten Pittsburgh since 1991 when the leading rusher was the unforgettable Ricky Ervins. Whoops, I meant forgettable. PICK: (PIT 8-1)

New England at St. Louis (at London), 1 p.m- You know who is really going to be pissed about this game? Londoners who have already bought their London Jaguars season tickets. They may get rowdy. It may be bad when the Rams come off the plane. Goodell may want them to dress as the Jags just so the fans across the pond can get used to watching losses. PICK: (NE 9-0)

Indianapolis at Tennessee, 1 p.m- Andrew Luck and the Cardinal edged Jake Locker and the Huskies 41-0 the last time they faced each other. This one will probably be a little closer than that, but the Titans may have a problem if they run their usual ole’ passing defense. PICK: (TEN 5-4)

Oakland at Kansas City, 4:05 p.m- The Most Likely to Finish 0-0 Game of the Week. Congratulations to the Raiders for being featured two weeks in a row. It’s going to be a bit awkward when Brady Quinn tries to push Jamaal Charles into the end zone on the final play of the game and then throws a beer bong at Matt Leinart. PICK: (OAK 7-2)

N.Y. Giants at Dallas, 4:25 p.m- The Cowboys really tried to give that game to the Panthers. The Giants are back on the road; their favorite place to be. When Dallas shows poor decision-making, New York will take advantage. PICK: (NYG 6-3)

New Orleans at Denver, 8:20 p.m- How good is Peyton Manning doing with his Charlie Frye arm? The Broncos have a mediocre pass defense, but no one would know it based on their #2 ranking in QB rating differential. Plus, Peyton is about 101-2 during regular season night games. PICK: (DEN 8-1)

Monday, Oct. 29

San Francisco at Arizona, 8:30 p.m- I think I have to set the moneyline at -155 for the Cardinals over the Chiefs for odds on who is more likely to be shut out. Max protection would be a really good idea for Arizona. The Niners need to just keep doing what they are doing. Well, not Alex Smith, unless you hate the Niner. PICK: (SF 9-0)

LAST WEEK: 12-1

SEASON: 63-41 (60.6%)