I'm once again pressed for time, so I won't go into a long introduction. It was a bad week for QBs, with concussions abound. Fantasy players, adjust accordingly, after crying of course. Here we go:
1. Houston-I'm taking full credit for calling Houston. Please address all apologies can be emailed to email@example.com
2. Atlanta-I'm only docking them one spot. The Saints offense can still play with anybody. Matt Ryan is still MVP.
3. Green Bay Packers-A week off to get healthy might spell trouble for everybody not named Green Bay.
4. Baltimore Ravens-Fake kick, up by a few hundred? Yep. Stay classy Baltimore.
5. Denver-I don't even have anything else to say about Peyton Manning. Amazing doesn't do him justice.
6. Pittsburgh-Byron Leftwich is starting his windup now, that way the release will be ready by the time the game starts.
7. Chicago-If Culter doesn't play, who will I make snarky comments about during the game? Wait, Jason Campbell is the backup? We're good.
8. San Francisco-Welp, that was one ugly OT. Also, the worst timed illegal formation ever.
9. Tampa Bay-Avast ye bilge rates! The Buccaneers be hot. Don't sleep on 'em or you'll walk the plank mateys. Arrgghh.
10. New England-They lost ground simply for not blowing out the Bills.
Indianapolis-I'm nominating myself as head of the Reggie Wayne to the HOF club.
New York Giants-I include them only as a way to congratulate the Bengals.
28. Philadelphia-Good thing they fired Juan Castillo. He was terrible.
29. Carolina-Well, at least they can use that top 5 pick to help fix the defense.
30. New York Jets-(Insert Sanchez/Rex Ryan/Jets joke here) They're awful.
31. Jacksonville-File under: Things I never thought I'd say: Blaine Gabbert is being held back by the rest of the Jaguars.
32. Kansas City-No 1-8 team should every dance for any reason...ever. Karma is real.
MVPs of the Week
Andy Dalton-Color me biased, but he was terrific.
Adrian Peterson-Rumors of the demise of AP may have been premature.
Drew Brees-Out-dueled Matt Ryan.
Goats of the Week
Michael Turner-A person of his size should be able to get 1-yard.
Eli Manning-He does realize he's still allowed to throw TD passes right?
Mark Sanchez-Might be the only QB that can make Tebow look great by comparison.