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    Cris Collinsworth

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  • Top 10...Bottom 5: Week Ten



    I'm once again pressed for time, so I won't go into a long introduction. It was a bad week for QBs, with concussions abound. Fantasy players, adjust accordingly, after crying of course. Here we go:

    TOP TEN

    1. Houston-I'm taking full credit for calling Houston. Please address all apologies can be emailed to vancetradamus@irule.com
    2. Atlanta-I'm only docking them one spot. The Saints offense can still play with anybody. Matt Ryan is still MVP.
    3. Green Bay Packers-A week off to get healthy might spell trouble for everybody not named Green Bay.
    4. Baltimore Ravens-Fake kick, up by a few hundred? Yep. Stay classy Baltimore.
    5. Denver-I don't even have anything else to say about Peyton Manning. Amazing doesn't do him justice.
    6. Pittsburgh-Byron Leftwich is starting his windup now, that way the release will be ready by the time the game starts.
    7. Chicago-If Culter doesn't play, who will I make snarky comments about during the game? Wait, Jason Campbell is the backup? We're good.
    8. San Francisco-Welp, that was one ugly OT. Also, the worst timed illegal formation ever.
    9. Tampa Bay-Avast ye bilge rates! The Buccaneers be hot. Don't sleep on 'em or you'll walk the plank mateys. Arrgghh.
    10. New England-They lost ground simply for not blowing out the Bills.

    HONORABLE MENTIONS

    Indianapolis-I'm nominating myself as head of the Reggie Wayne to the HOF club.
    New York Giants-I include them only as a way to congratulate the Bengals.

    BOTTOM FIVE

    28. Philadelphia-Good thing they fired Juan Castillo. He was terrible.
    29. Carolina-Well, at least they can use that top 5 pick to help fix the defense.
    30. New York Jets-(Insert Sanchez/Rex Ryan/Jets joke here) They're awful.
    31. Jacksonville-File under: Things I never thought I'd say: Blaine Gabbert is being held back by the rest of the Jaguars.
    32. Kansas City-No 1-8 team should every dance for any reason...ever. Karma is real.

    MVPs of the Week

    Andy Dalton-Color me biased, but he was terrific.
    Adrian Peterson-Rumors of the demise of AP may have been premature.
    Drew Brees-Out-dueled Matt Ryan.

    Goats of the Week

    Michael Turner-A person of his size should be able to get 1-yard.
    Eli Manning-He does realize he's still allowed to throw TD passes right?
    Mark Sanchez-Might be the only QB that can make Tebow look great by comparison.

    Comments 9 Comments
    1. mikesteelnation1's Avatar
      Just because you can {watch the entire titanic movie before leftwich delivers the ball} , doesn't give {pause to the Franco Harris statue} at the airport does it? Wallace is still having nightmares from that {quick} drop.


      Spot on about that fake kick by bmore, so dirty.

      Kinda weird seeing Philly that low, there have been a couple valleys to go with the numerous peaks in the Reid era. Nothing like this chasm.. Reid is done...
    1. wxwax's Avatar
      Michael Turner's done. The line isn't helping, of course. But he was done last year, in truth. Every once in a while they build a scrum around him and push for a hard working gain. But left to himself, for a man his size, the push is negligible.

      I think if you held a playoff today and threw the Giants against any of that top 10, it would be a game. I certainly agree with where you have Houston. But I think the Jints could take any of 6-10. And they'd scare a bunch in the top 5.

      I see that Mr. Intense is getting his heart checked. I wonder if he'll moderate the popping veins?

    1. vancemeek's Avatar
      Agreed. Juan Castillo for head coach in the ultimate irony. Lol.
    1. xmenehune's Avatar
      and you said it
      " 31. Jacksonville-File under: Things I never thought I'd say: Blaine Gabbert is being held back by the rest of the Jaguars "

      luv it

      I think CHI is too high, w/o Cutler what can they do w/Campbell?
    1. vancemeek's Avatar
      Yeah, I should have switched SF and Chicago.
    1. jfkaspar's Avatar
      Hey vancemeek, I read the "Top 10 Bottom 5" column for the first time this week, it was hilarious! nice work.
    1. vancemeek's Avatar
      Much appreciated. Thanks for reading.
    1. Curtis's Avatar
      That touchdown dance from the Chiefs was absolutely awesome. Too bad it got called back.
    1. iwatt's Avatar
      I know Campbell looked atrocious, but he was thrown in against a great D in real scrappy conditions.


      Crap ... I'm having Caleb Hanie flashbacks again....