• Top 10...Bottom 5: Week Eleven

    by
    vancemeek
    Published on 11-21-2012 12:51 AM
    6 Comments Comments


    It was a bit of a strange week in the NFL this weekend. The top teams struggled, yet still won for the most part. Matt Ryan threw 5 interceptions, but still won. Houston made Chad Henne look like Tom Brady, but still won. Tampa Bay had to go to overtime to beat Carolina, and New England, well, they still dominated Indy. Also: weak in Philly, bleak in KC, a streak in Cincy, and a freak in San Francisco. Here we go:

    TOP TEN

    1. Houston-Did they get mixed up and use Buffalo's playbook on defense by mistake?
    2. Denver-Peyton Manning might win MVP, Comeback player of the year, and offensive player of the year. Be amazed!
    3. San Francisco-Let the QB controversy begin!
    4. Green Bay-Imagine if they had a legitimate running threat.
    5. Atlanta-Lucky for them, Arizona is just a God-awful team offensively. I don't care what the scoreboard says. They lost Sunday.
    6. New England-Welcome to the NFL Andrew Luck. Signed, Mr. Brady.
    7. Baltimore-I'm not sure if fans should be excited that they have a 2 game lead, or saddened that they could only beat a Roethlisberger-less Steelers team 13-10.
    8. Tampa Bay-They're on fire, but they're not really beating anybody good, so it could be a mirage.
    9. Chicago-Bears fans are probably having nightmarish flashbacks to 2011 right about now.
    10. New York Giants-I'm not sure anybody deserves the spot, so the defending champs get a gimme for now.

    HONORABLE MENTIONS

    New Orleans-Don't look now, but here come the Saints.
    Cincinnati-Every week I think I've seen AJ Green do everything, yet every week, he drops my jaw to the floor.

    BOTTOM FIVE

    28. Arizona-I refuse to believe that the Cardinals were ever 4-0. I'm fairly sure that was some sore of mass hallucination.
    29. Oakland Raiders-Giving up an average of 45 points the past 3 weeks, but at least they are trying.....see below:
    30. Philadelphia Eagles-Andy Reid says he won't resign, making him the only person in Philly who hasn't quit.
    31. Jacksonville-The mustache formerly known as Chad Henne almost got them a huge win, but then they remembered they're the Jaguars.
    32. Kansas City-I don't want to say things are bad, but Houston Astros fans are now saying "See! It could be worse!"

    MVPs of the Week

    Tom Brady-Ho hum, 331 yards and 3 TDs, or as our next MVP likes to call it: A warm up.
    Matt Schaub-527 yards and 5 TDs? Really? Those are just stupid numbers.
    Robert Griffin III-Imagine if he had thrown more than 15 passes.
    Aldon Smith-Was on Jason Campbell so much, Campbell's father is insisting on marriage now.

    Goats of the Week

    Sheldon Brown-One of the more crushing PI calls you'll see.
    Miami Offense-Can somebody explain why they were so willing to part with Brandon Marshall? They need a gamebreaker badly.
    Matt Ryan-Yeah, they won, but his Romo-esque performance deserves to be on this list.

    Comments 6 Comments
    1. iwatt's Avatar
      You seem to have forgotten to include the whole Bears team on the GOAT list.

      God that was bad. I've been saying we've been doing it against bad teams, but I didn't expect that. We used the "dare Kapernick to beat us" in the same way the Steelers used the "dare Tebow to beat us" in the playoffs, with the same predictable results.

      Damn, I'ms till depressed about this one.
      Reply
    1. vancemeek's Avatar
      Yeah, they definitely deserved it, but it always feels like a cheap way to fill a Goat spot, so I didn't go that way.
      Reply
    1. iwatt's Avatar
      Once a year we are reminded that though there are rumblings about benching Cutler (too many Ints, bad attitude) by the press, we have a good butt kicking to remind the haters why he is the starter. I'm not saying that we would have won, but at least there would have been some actual forward passing. We had the 2010 Giants game in which he was concussed. The 2011 thumb-gate. Cutler is too dumb to realize that been a Bears QB is deleterious to your health and career. That's why he's the best we're going to get.

      Is it too early to call Gabe Carimi a bust?
      Reply
    1. vancemeek's Avatar
      The Bears should draft offensive linemen with every pick next year.
      Reply
    1. xmenehune's Avatar
      'STACHE Henne style, spoilers?

      will OAK be worse @CIN this week?

      Are recent Wisky lineman doing well these days or are they a ????

      HOU D, specifically safety and CB play were abysmal, DET could air it out, even w/o Young on gobble, gobble day
      Reply
    1. wxwax's Avatar
      xmenehune, that kind of writing, if you didn't have 88 posts, I'd have said you were a spammer posting nonsense writing. Took me a bit to figure out what you were saying!
      Reply