Top 10...Bottom 5: Week Twelve

Week twelve, a.k.a. Thanksgiving week, gave us a couple of extra Thursday games, that, unfortunately, weren't very competitive. The regular Sunday games saw several close games that were decided by a single score. On a personal note, my decision to spend Thursday and Sunday watching football means I was on the receiving end of the week's only shutout. In honor of Turkey Day, this week: the Jets get stuffed, the Packers get rolled, it's all gravy in Houston, and the real turkeys are the wearing Chiefs uniforms. Here we go.

TOP TEN

1. Houston-Two overtime wins in 5 days? Like me after eating Thanksgiving dinner at three locations, they need a nap.
2. San Francisco-Somewhere in California, Clem has called into work for the week so he can keep celebrating that Kaepernick is the new QB. On a side note: I hope Alex Smith keeps walking around with his helmet on at all times, and not just on the field, but at home too.
3. Atlanta-Won a big divisional game against a hot opponent on the road in a close game. It's gotta count for something.
4. Denver-Fell behind to KC before Brady Quinn realized...he's Brady Quinn.
5. New England-Their Tecmo Bowl 2nd quarter alone would have been enough to beat every team this week except 2.
6. Chicago-Miami looks dumber and dumber with every Brandon Marshall catch.
7. Green Bay Packers-The Packers should just submit a list to the league of player's who AREN'T injured. It'd be shorter.
8. Baltimore-This might be the worst 9-2 I've ever seen. Got lucky again.
9. Cincinnati-A sweet victory over Carson Palmer, their 3rd straight and they're back in the wildcard hunt.
10. New York-The Giants apparently used their bye week wisely. Sorry Green Bay.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Indianapolis-Stand up if you predicted the Colts would be in the driver's seat for a wildcard at this point...and get the heck out of here because you're a liar.
Redskins-Probably won't make the playoffs, but I'm not sure there's a more fun team to watch.

BOTTOM FIVE

28. San Diego-Now THAT'S how you give a game away. Well done. The saddest part? Can't even blame that on Norv. D'oh!
29. Jacksonville-The mustache formerly known as Chad Henne is a defensive collapse against Houston away from being 2-0, which surely means the world is ending.
30. Oakland-Well Mr. Palmer. You wanted the Raiders? You got 'em.
31. Philadelphia-They should fire Andy Reid and hire Juan Castillo. That's poetic justice. If I was Castillo, I'd be laughing and partying my @#* off. Maybe he's with Clem.
32. Kansas City-At this point, I'd replace those paper bags on my head with plastic ones. Jeez.

MVPs of the Week

Robert Griffin III-Saying RGIII is athletic is like saying Stephen Hawking is smart.
Colin Kaepernick-If you're in a fantasy league where he's still available...well, then you're in a league with a bunch of idiots.
Cam Newton-Hmmm, maybe we should stop being biased against athletic QBs in the draft. DRAFT GENO SMITH!!

Goats of the Week

Chargers defense-4th and 29? Really? Am I the only one hearing Benny Hill music when the replay shows?
Pittsburgh running backs-They put more balls on the ground than a scissor-happy veterinarian.
Chargers defense-More bad angles on that play than my high-school Geometry homework. Yes, I know I already mentioned them, but holy crap, that was terrible.