Top 10...Bottom 5: Week Fourteen

There are few sure things in life, but this weekend reminds us that one of those is that the New England Patriots will invariably find their place at the top of the league, as they clinched their 10th straight 10-win season. If you don't have Tom Brady in your top 5 all-time quarterback list, then you clearly don't follow the NFL. Week fourteen was a great week for the NFC East, but for the AFC North..not so much. Also, the Bengals choke, the Steelers croak, the Giants spoke, and the Cardinals were a joke. Here we go:

TOP TEN

1. New England-Ladies and gentlemen, if we could quiet down a little, it seems as though the folks from New England have something to say.
2. Denver-It's a damn shame the Broncos didn't get a better QB.
3. San Francisco-Kaepernick, Aldon Smith, Patrick Willis, Vernon Davis..this team is loaded with freaks.
4. Houston-Defense needs to stop with their Raiders impersonation.
5. Green Bay-They haven't looked great, but have still one 7 of 8. If they don't get Rodgers killed, they're dangerous.
6. New York-The Giants couldn't possibly be more inconsistent, which means....well, they're destined to win the Super Bowl.
7. Atlanta-Matt Ryan's MVP candidacy disappeared faster than Michael Turner's dinner.
8. Washington-Washington is currently the home of the world's most scrutinized knee.
9. Seattle-The Arizona Cardinals now have a restraining order against the Seahawks after that beating.
10. Baltimore-If defense wins championships, the Ravens are screwed.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Indianapolis-What's happening in Indy is simply amazing.
Minnesota-As mentioned elsewhere on this site, Adrian Peterson deserves more MVP buzz.

BOTTOM FIVE

28. Buffalo-What a well-designed game plan that included a whole 7 carries for their biggest gamebreaker.
29. Jacksonville-They forgot rule #1 of playing the Jets: Make Mark Sanchez throw and you'll win.
30. Oakland-"The Black Hole" no longer refers to the rowdy section of fans, and refers to the franchise in general.
31. Kansas City-Jamaal Charles must have beat his dog in a past life.
32. Arizona-The Cardinals are to Matt Schaub's groin as the rest of the league is to Ndamukong Suh.

MVPs OF THE WEEK

Cam Newton-It's hard to hate on someone when they're doing things like that.
Tom Brady-Surgically picked apart the Houston defense.
Adrian Peterson-He's not human, and you won't convince me otherwise.
Nick Foles-Great game, and more importantly, a win.

GOATS OF THE WEEK

Arizona Cardinals-There aren't enough words to describe how badly they were dominated.
Bengals hands-The entire team was possessed by the spirit of Terrell Owens.
Jake Locker-Made throwing errors, and mental errors that cost them the game.