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Non-coaching staff positions. Incomplete list.

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I will employ:

1. A trio of video gaming interns. Their primary purpose will be to periodically remind me that it is good to call timeout when down by two scores with four minutes left, increasing the odds that I won't have to rely on an onside kick to get the ball back one more time. Their secondary purpose will be to (not kidding) try stupid crazy ideas in VR, as it were. Run simulations of Gritz Blitz or otherwise non-standard ideas without putting wear and tear on bodies. They do this **** anyway, I don't mind taking advantage.
2. A psychologist as a istrength and conditioning coach. Something that gets them around the players when they players are not guarded. Someone seriously involved on the S&C program, but with additional insights who can help me identify leaders, trends, concerns, and other such items that players may be hesitant to bring up on their own. Also *******s. I want to find the undermining *******s, too.

3. On the soft skill side of things, I will also retain the services of an accountant and an attorney to be made available to all members of staff and roster. Someone whose duties will include advising employees on which accountants and attorneys in the area they might like to hire if hey feel the need. I seriously want to equip them with the ability to plan their financial and business lives, or at least provide them the ability to find ways to do it. They will also be tasked with providing basic services at no cost to the employees should the employees desire it. This probably opens me up to lawsuits should the employees ever have cause to sue saidaccountantandattorney, but I am sure we can work some sort of indemnification into their contracts. The services will be available at no cost to employee for up to five years post termination for any reason not reminiscent of Rae Carruth and Aaron Hernandez.
4. The equivalent of a Company Manager in theatre. Concierge service for employees and families. A certain amount of this will be direct services, such as assistance finding a home for new hires, locating and sorting amenities, necessities, and schools, et al. Some of it will also involve facilitating community involvement as well as team-community building. Much of that happens naturally, but it never hurts to have the new folks in the neighborhood over for dinner.
5. Alumni Relations, and not just for organizing golf tournaments in the summer. I want a Social Worker who will maintain a relationship with every former player and coach until, frankly, they get tired of us or die. I recognize that the sport causes brain and body damage, and that preparing for and maintaining a career in it does not often do much to prepare players for life when it is over. I want to help. And yes I acknowledge that I believe the game increases risk of long term brain damage in players. I also plan to initiate and contribute to long term disability insurance for any player who is ever on the roster during the season. I do not yet know how great my contribution will be, but it will probably be half after they are done playing. That is my plan, anyway.

Maybe teams already do these things but I haven't heard of it, and I definitely will try them all.

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