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Different sadness.

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My nephew ended his life last week. He was desperately lonely and sad for years. His dad died last year, his mother has been gravely Ill for a long time, and was never much for him to begin with. He had nobody. Noone really ever made an effort to see him, join him, or get him to join them once his step brothers got older and got married/ effectively married. We as his extended family certainly didn't help much. I feel badly about it but mostly in a selfish way. He had clearly been working up to it for the last year, and I am probably being selfish when I say that I think it was inevitable and might have been more humane than trying to stop him at every turn, whatever form that could have taken.

I still wish I had done more. I wish I had told him about my daughter catching a fish soon after it happened instead of waiting for the next big family event (which would have been tomorrow.) He loved fishing more than any other thing, I think.

I wish I had made more efforts to invite him over, even though he lived 45 minutes away on a good day.

I doubt it would have changed things, but for ****'s sake it would have been good if just one of the photos taken of him in the last decade had contained a smile.

For clarity, he is my sister in law's stepson and I probably saw him twelve times, ever. Still hurts to think about how much he hurt.

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Updated 09-16-2016 at 11:56 PM by ScottDCP

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  1. Swami's Avatar
    Losing to the Jets sure means nothing. You've had a rough go lately. I have sympathy for anyone who goes through those struggles, and for those affected. It can simply be an unbearable struggle at times. ABC Anchor Dan Harris wrote a book, How to be 10% Happier, that I think everyone can benefit from, especially those on this path. Sending you good karma, Scott.
  2. ScottDCP's Avatar
    Thank you. I am embarrassed to admit how hearing of the Roman firing lifted my spirits Friday.
  3. Rich Gapinski's Avatar
    Sorry to read this. However, as I get older, I do find some of these instances to feel inevitable. It could be their choices. It could be the fear of the backlash for the people who want to help. It could be the environment being too arduous over time. It could be genetic. Often, there is not much to say. Personally, I always feel overwhelmed and feel that any gesture is not enough.... so, I say what I usually say..... I wish the best for you and the family.
  4. Bengals1181's Avatar
    Sorry for your loss Scott.
  5. ScottDCP's Avatar
    Thank youse guys. This one we saw coming. Ultimately successful but not the first attempt. He is my late brother in law's son from HIS first marriage. We were pretty much all the family he had left, which it turns out wasn't nearly enough. I have spent a lot of the last week and a half looking at our times together, and I am at peace with my part in his life. I am also at a point where I accept this in other people, over the age of 25, with greater ease than I used to. Agony is agony, no matter its source, and he clearly spent significant time, energy, and thought on it.

    I hope he is well now. About as good as I an get.