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A new Political Party - The Guys Party

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I am giving up my allegence to the Republican Party, and my affinity to libertarian politics.

I am looking for a party that addresses issues that I care about. I have given up thinking that the Federal Govt should keep its paws off most issues and have jumped on the Central Govt bandwagon, but want to steer it to matters that concern me, and people like me.

I think a "Guy's Party" should be enacted. I am looking for issues you think are germaine.


Guy Party Platform:


1) No Child Left Behind Plank. The Federal Govt will immediately put in place a Playoff system for Division 1A College Football. This system will be designed by a Blue Ribbon Committee. TV and digital media rights will be given FREE to the Armed Forces Network and be broadcast rights will be given for $1 to C=Span and NPR. Participation in the playoff system by each college is voluntary. Any college not participating will be denied any Federal Funds for any programs.

2) The High School Graduation Stimulus Plank. The Federal Govt will lower the drinking age to 18 throughout the land FOR HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATES. Homeland Security will be responsible for issuing US High School Graduation Cards with Tamper-Proof Security Seals, and electronic security measures, including card reading capability and card holder verification methods.

3) The Airline Security Plank. All Airline passengers will be allowed access to their gates by SIMPLY using their US High School Graduation cards. No patdowns, no cavity searches. Minors accompanied by a Card holding guardian will also be allowed. All baggage will be scanned by best available methods. non-card-holding adults will be screened by methods determined by TSA. Minors travelling alone will be screened by separate system through contract given to the Fisher Price corporation.

4) The US Automobile Industry Stimulus Plank. A tax credit of 10% of the purchase price of any new Convertible made in the United States will be given for the next 12 months. This credit will be increased to 15% if the car is also engineered in the US. This credit will be increased to 20% if the county of tax payer residence has an annual snowfall of greater than 36 inches.

5) The States Rights Plank. The federal govt will nullify any federal laws on marijuana and tobacco, and allow all states, cities and counties to determine their own laws on these matters, but insist that tobacco and marijuana be treated exactly the same in any statutes or taxing rates/methods. This is, of course, voluntary, but any municipality found not in compliance will not receive any Federal Funds for any program.

6) The Truth in Dating Plank. The National Institute of Standards and Technology will be charged with developing a Beauty Standard and the associated measurement software. This system will use a scale of 1 to 1000 which evenly divide the 18 to 34 year old US populace into one thousand categories. This unit will be known as millihelens. Computers with this software will be used to place a person's millihelen ranking on their US High School Graduation card, both electronically and in clear text. All electronic and other Dating Services shall be able to use this official statistic, but it shall not be mandetory. However fraudulently claiming a milliHelen rating other than ones own on an E-dating service will be prosecuted under The Wire Act.

7) The 10 Over Plank. As part of the US High School Graduate Card, there also will be an electronic mark designating the holder as a "10 Over Driver". To obtain such a mark, the holder must pass a sophisticated high speed computerized driving test developed under joint contract to NASCAR and Microsoft Games Studio. The holder will then be allowed to legally run at "10 Over" the posted speed limit. This designation will require yearly online testing/renewal. This designation will be automatically revoked for any DUI conviction. This designation will become automatic once the holder reaches 60 years of age. A special license plate will be given to all cars owned by the holder.

8.) The Online Gambling Plank. Online Poker and Sports Betting will be licensed to a single US site, run by the Internal Revenue Service. All accounting will be logged against your SSN. However, 90% of all "rake" or "vig" will be counted as payment against that years Federal Income Tax. This site is available to non-SSN holders, but no tax credit will be given.


I would like to note that "Guys" is a term defined by our Party Chair Emeritus, Dave Barry, and does not denote gender or sexual preference in this usage.

What are some other issues of great import that are not being addressed by our government?

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  1. Andy Freeland's Avatar
    You had me worried for a moment, but good article.

    A tax credit of 10% of the purchase price of any new Convertible made in the United States will be given for the next 12 months. This credit will be increased to 15% if the car is also engineered in the US. This credit will be increased to 20% if the county of tax payer residence has an annual snowfall of greater than 36 inches.
    Will this apply retroactively to cars who's manufacturer no longer exists? My Pontiac Solstice and I eagerly await the answer, as I drive through an Ohio blizzard with the top down and the heat cranked up.