The corny joke thread

[packa7x]

It has recently come out that Jeter likes to give parting gifts to his conquests.

Ahahahahaha that's awesome!

[packa7x]

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'll take a beer and a mop."

A bear walks into a bar, puts his paws on the counter and goes, "I. Want. A. Beer." The bartender goes, "what?" The bear goes, "I. WANT. A. BEER!!!!!" The bartender goes, "I heard you the first time, but what's with the paws?"

A guy walks into a bar, ouch!

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar!

An Irish guy hails a cab, the cab driver pulls over, the Irish guy goes, "hey, you got room for 3 six packs and a pizza on the front seat?" the driver says, "Sure!" so the Irish guy goes, "BLAAAHAHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Ever hear a union worker read his son a bedtime story? "Once upon a time and a half..."

A Polish guy and an Italian guy are putting in telephone poles. They go out and come back at the end of the day. The manager goes to the Italian, "how many poles did you put in today?" the Italian replies, "12, sir." he turns to the Polish guy..."How about you?" the Polish guy goes, "2, sir." the manager goes, "TWO?! THE FREAKING ITALIAN GUY GOT 12!!!!!" the Polish guy goes, "Yeah, but look how far his are sticking out of the ground!!!"

[packa7x]

Two neutrons sidle up to the bar, order drinks and ask how much. Bartender looks them up and down and answers "no charge".

One of my favorites! Family friendly, but certainly not geared for kids, unless they're Mensa types. Heard it in a comedy club years ago with then boyfriend, both of us science majors. Audience is dead silent. The two of us (front row) were hysterical. Comedian totally appreciated us.

One of my favorite comedians has a bit he calls, "theoretical d**k jokes." The best line from it is:

My d**k is so small that I can only know how fast it's moving or where it is because it's small enough and light enough to be fully covered by the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.

[msclemons]

Archaeologists discover the first politician:

[Pruitt]

Q: Why did the hipster burn his mouth on a pizza?

A: He wanted to eat it before it was cool.

[Curtis]

Two elephants walk off a cliff...
boom, boom!

[Pruitt]

If you like your corn in a kosher style, check out "Old Jews Telling Jokes."

Here's a sample...