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Thread: Baalke hired as 49'ers GM

  1. #1
       
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    Baalke hired as 49'ers GM

    Apparently York's interviews were just a sham and he has decided that Cousin Balki is the man to lead the 49ers back to mediocrity. That's just wonderful - maybe he can give all the season ticket holders a good mooning to improve their morale while he's at it.

    Baalke is a good guy. He's worked his way up the ranks as a scout for the Redskins (ok, maybe that's a bad item on the resume), the Jets and the 49ers. He did a good job in last year's draft of trading up to grab a player no one else was targeting at that spot. He's been with the 49ers since 2005 and has apparently impressed young York with his ability to be a part of the problem.

    I'd like to repeat that last bit. Baalke was part of the problem. How do you start turning around a dysfunctional organization by promoting one of the insane asylum inmates to a leadership position? You freaking don't. You bring in an experienced outsider who can look at the organization with a fresh eye and make the necessary changes without the burden of existing loyalties or emotional ties.

    Lucky Sperm Jed just told me and every other 49er fan that we can expect another 5 years of complete suckitude. Thanks Jed.

  2. #2
    The passage you just read is based on a true story. names have been changed to protect the idiots...

    Clem, I felt the same way when, after an 0-16 season, the Lions promoted Matt Millen's right hand man Martin Mayhew to GM.

    Mayhew has brought us:

    Brandon Pettigrew
    Louis Delmas
    Matt Stafford
    Shaun Hill
    Kyle Vanden Bosch
    Corey Williams
    Nate Burleson
    Dave Rayner
    Corey Hilliard
    Maurice Morris
    Tony Scheffler
    De'Andre Levy
    Stefan Logan
    The Schwartz

    Baalke may not be your first choice, but he may be a blessing in disguise. Of course, he may suck ass, too...
    Screw you guys, I'm going home.

  3. #3
       
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    I agree Mayhew has done a great job but do you really recommend any other team emulate William clay Ford Jr.? I think Mayhew may have been the blind squirrel finding an acorn. I don't expect that sort of lightning to hit twice.

    Lucky Sperm York may have a lot in common with Mr. Ford.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by msclemons View Post
    Lucky Sperm York may have a lot in common with Mr. Ford.
    The lucky sperm angle aside...
    Screw you guys, I'm going home.

  5. #5
    I don't know the inner workings of the Lions but...did someone else draft Suh or is "The Schwartz" his nickname?

    I would have preferred to see Lombardi gete the job but that's only because I hear him on the BS Report all the time. As for Baalke...he wrapped up Willis and Davis...so that's good. Iupati and Davis were decent draft picks. I have a man-crush on Dixon. I dunno. We'll see. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. HC first, QB and DB's second.
    If the 49'ers success offends you...so be it.
    Namaste...*****es.

  6. #6
       
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hoser View Post
    I don't know the inner workings of the Lions but...did someone else draft Suh or is "The Schwartz" his nickname?
    I think GoBig put The Schwartz up there as the coach. He left off Suh because, well, as a their kicker, he really is a draft bust. I KID, I KID, breathe deep Lions fans, I kid...
    Last edited by FessJL0861; 01-05-2011 at 03:04 PM.
    "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." - Mark Twain

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by FessJL0861 View Post
    I think GoBig put The Schwartz up there as the coach. He left off Suh because, well, as a their kicker, he really is a draft bust. I KID, I KID, breath deep Lions fans, I kid...
    I hear he will be working on his form this offseason and I fully expect to be able to include him on this list next year...

    Jeebus, how did I leave Suh off that thing? Maybe because a chimpanzee could see that he was the obvious choice for the Lions? Yeah, that's it...
    Screw you guys, I'm going home.

  8. #8
       
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    So here's Baalke's draft:

    1) Aldon Smith - Aaron Maybin 2.0
    2) Copernicus - a project QB, basically Cam Newton Light. Might be ready to play after Alex spends two years teaching him to suck.
    3) Chris Culliver - a huge reach for a tweener DB that isn't really a safety or a cornerback. Taylor Mays 2.0 At least this bust isn't named Smith.
    4) Kendall Hunter - a decent pick at one of the few areas where the team is strong. high five Baalke, at least you can pick running backs.
    5) Daniel Kilgore - traded up for an unnecessary position and picked a player no one had ranked in the top 250. Honestly, were the 49ers so concerned that someone else would grab Kilgore in the next 10 picks that they had to give up a 6th to take him? What in the <censored> <censored> are the 49ers scouts <censored> smoking?
    6) Ronald Johnson - another decent pick at a position the 49ers don't need. A speed WR that can step into Ted Ginn's shoes. Did we get his family? Die Baalke.
    7) Colin Jones - WTF? Who? Another safety and a crappy one at that. Unranked by most scouting services.
    8) Bruce Miller - 49ers finally make a good pick at a position of need in the freaking 7th round. It took Baalke until 3PM to frikken wake up and address the team's biggest need. Moron.
    9) Michael Pearson - actually a better guard than the guy they traded up for in the 5th. Only problem, the 49ers don't have a need at guard.
    10) Curtis Holcomb - WHO? Seriously, wtf, WHO?This guy isn't in the top 500 on any scouting site. The 49ers could have at least taken Herzlich as a feel good story.

    Hell, with this draft they may as well bring back Singletary and his two stone tablet offense. Christ on a crutch. Someone dig up Bill Walsh and Al-Davis-ify him to save this pathetic, useless travesty of a franchise. The 49ers came into this draft loaded with picks and came away with two busts, a backup guard, a backup RB and a backup LB. Awesome. Half of these picks aren't even good enough to be training camp fodder. Kill me now.
    Last edited by msclemons; 05-01-2011 at 12:37 AM.

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    Bring back Eddie.

    You need to draft a good owner.

    Boy it feels good to not to be on the bottom.
    Last edited by darvon; 05-01-2011 at 01:27 AM.

  10. #10
       
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    Quote Originally Posted by msclemons View Post
    So here's Baalke's draft:

    1) Aldon Smith - Aaron Maybin 2.0
    2) Copernicus - a project QB, basically Cam Newton Light. Might be ready to play after Alex spends two years teaching him to suck.
    3) Chris Culliver - a huge reach for a tweener DB that isn't really a safety or a cornerback. Taylor Mays 2.0 At least this bust isn't named Smith.
    4) Kendall Hunter - a decent pick at one of the few areas where the team is strong. high five Baalke, at least you can pick running backs.
    5) Daniel Kilgore - traded up for an unnecessary position and picked a player no one had ranked in the top 250. Honestly, were the 49ers so concerned that someone else would grab Kilgore in the next 10 picks that they had to give up a 6th to take him? What in the <censored> <censored> are the 49ers scouts <censored> smoking?
    6) Ronald Johnson - another decent pick at a position the 49ers don't need. A speed WR that can step into Ted Ginn's shoes. Did we get his family? Die Baalke.
    7) Colin Jones - WTF? Who? Another safety and a crappy one at that. Unranked by most scouting services.
    8) Bruce Miller - 49ers finally make a good pick at a position of need in the freaking 7th round. It took Baalke until 3PM to frikken wake up and address the team's biggest need. Moron.
    9) Michael Pearson - actually a better guard than the guy they traded up for in the 5th. Only problem, the 49ers don't have a need at guard.
    10) Curtis Holcomb - WHO? Seriously, wtf, WHO?This guy isn't in the top 500 on any scouting site. The 49ers could have at least taken Herzlich as a feel good story.

    Hell, with this draft they may as well bring back Singletary and his two stone tablet offense. Christ on a crutch. Someone dig up Bill Walsh and Al-Davis-ify him to save this pathetic, useless travesty of a franchise. The 49ers came into this draft loaded with picks and came away with two busts, a backup guard, a backup RB and a backup LB. Awesome. Half of these picks aren't even good enough to be training camp fodder. Kill me now.
    So Clem tell us how you really feel about the draft
    FPL: 15 comments can save you 15 minutes or more of embarrassing yourself on a bar discussion

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